It has been over 2 years. I have not posted for over 2 years. I am not going to lie. I have beat myself up about that endlessly. In a lot of ways, I spent the pandemic retreating into myself. I put my writing and most other creative endeavors on hold. I wrestled with the thought of selling my domain and quitting the blog altogether. Previously, I would go for a walk and an idea for the blog would present itself effortlessly. I would sit down and write it out very quickly and I was always very pleased with that simple and ridiculous process. That came to a halt when…

About 4 or 5 years ago I switched from wearing contacts all the time to wearing glasses. I found these beautiful frames and I loved how they looked. I wanted to embrace my nerdy nature and I rocked them. But the thing is, if I’m being honest, I wanted them for a larger and less inspiring reason. I wanted a mask. I wanted to hide behind them. Not just my physical appearance. I wanted to hide my internal existence as well. I wanted to not only cover the actual fatigue in my face, but also the emotional exhaustion I was feeling. I didn’t want people to see the pain in…

A few days ago I had a break in my day so I went to a thrift store to see what treasures I could find. I came across a large print of a painting that really caught my eye. I have been casually searching for something like this picture for almost 2 years. The portrayal of a forest scene with a creek or a path running through it as well as the use of color made me stand and stare at this item. Since I needed something large to look right with 9-foot ceilings, I was so excited to find this. But that’s when it happened… That voice happened. That…

Over the past 8 years I have watched my child struggle. I have seen him fight. He has had to work so much harder than other kids to achieve the same milestones. He has had surgeries. He has had MRIs. He has had countless hours of therapies. And through all of that, he has trudged through with the brightest and most beautiful smile. It has always been inspiring to me to watch his strength and spirit develop. That smile, that shine has dulled over the past several months. It breaks my heart to see frustration, anxiety, and annoyance take its place. As a therapist I am always feeling like I…

A week ago I sat in a waiting room reading Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism by Barry Prizant and came across a quote that has been on my mind ever since. “The opposite of anxiety isn’t calm, it’s trust.” I cannot stop thinking about that. I have struggled with anxiety my entire life and have felt like calm was this unattainable goal that I was always on a quest to find, much like The Neverending Story, literally and figuratively. Some of my absolute worst panic attacks happened just when I began to calm down from an anxious situation. So trusting calm was never a good idea. So…

With so many aspects of modern life, we are constantly faced with the question of “Is it enough?” With parenting, I feel like I am always thinking along the lines of did I research this method or this product enough? Did I seek out the right amount and kinds of therapy for my child with a diagnosis? What amount of extracurricular activities is appropriate? Is my child going to remember this birthday party forever? And on and on. As I get older and as my child develops, I find myself wanting more and more to set a boundary with that question of enough. I truly believe that previous generations weren’t…

In the book Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, Ann Lamott talks about short assignments. The idea is that if you sit down to write a book, it will be too overwhelming and you won’t accomplish it. But if you sit down and just plan to write short amounts, you will be much more likely to achieve the task of writing an entire book. You do not need to know every piece of the book before you write it. You just need to take it little by little. I tell families of young children the same concept all the time. Don’t tell a child to clean up…

“I’m so sorry!” “How are you doing, really?” “Why haven’t you started dating yet?” “I can’t believe someone would leave you…you’re so nice.” These are all statements (among others) that separated/divorced people hear from those in active relationships. For most married people, divorce is one of the worst things they can think of. It is terrifying to watch it happen. The statements are coming from caring hearts and from people that want to show support. I was one of those people. I thought that in many instances divorce was a result of not working or caring hard enough. I’m sure I used some of these sentences. I am absolutely sure…

“I’ll never give up [insert name of food here]”. I remember thinking that I would die without bread. And cheese. Actually, I remember saying those things out loud on many occasions. One thing I have learned is that once you feel lousy enough, you will do things you never thought you could or would in order to feel better. So I gave up gluten several years ago to try to positively impact my autoimmune hypothyroid condition. I started rather slowly and told myself I would do it for 30 days. I did feel better since I was eating less processed foods and more whole foods. So I continued…for about 3…

I grew up middle-class, white, well-loved, supported, empowered, relatively popular, and disciplined appropriately. So why on earth am I lacking confidence in almost every part of my life? Even though I am a woman, I do not recall ever being told I could not do something. I am coming to realize what a rarity that is for women. The expectations were that I would perform well in school and receive a higher education. I met those expectations, did well in college, (barely) passed graduate school and have held successful jobs since. So how does one acquire confidence? Can one acquire confidence? I believe that all qualities or skills can be…