Enough

With so many aspects of modern life, we are constantly faced with the question of “Is it enough?” With parenting, I feel like I am always thinking along the lines of did I research this method or this product enough? Did I seek out the right amount and kinds of therapy for my child with a diagnosis? What amount of extracurricular activities is appropriate? Is my child going to remember this birthday party forever? And on and on.

As I get older and as my child develops, I find myself wanting more and more to set a boundary with that question of enough. I truly believe that previous generations weren’t plagued by this kind of mindset. They felt that children were resilient and that they would be fine. I’m trying to get to that kind of headspace.

I am setting myself up for success instead of failure by redefining what is “enough” and when I should stop going down rabbit holes of searching for the answers. Because guess what? No one but me has the answers. When it comes to my child, I am the one with the answers on what is enough. It doesn’t matter that someone else has their child in therapy every day. It doesn’t matter that someone else is with their child every minute of every day. It doesn’t matter if someone else stays up all night reading articles about ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) or the latest dietary changes for various diagnoses. If that works for them, that’s great. I praise them! That doesn’t and can’t work for me. I am one person and I cannot and will not put myself in the position of overextending myself because I’m convinced I’m not doing enough. I allow us to coast along with what we are doing until it doesn’t work anymore. Then I take a look at what needs to change and make the accommodation. And I am ok with dropping things and prioritizing and even doing things against what most people would consider correct.

I think the idea of creating a limit within myself for decreasing the mommy guilt by being more reasonable and realistic about my own expectations has made a huge difference in how I handle parenting. I usually phrase these limits as “taking a break” from various tasks and activities so that I have the minset of maybe going back to them if possible, but that it isn’t an absolute. I feel like this gives me the freedom to explore other options and gives my child the freedom to be himself…a child.

I think I started realizing this need for a boundary relatively early on and I have been honing it for close to a decade. The really tough part has been more my ability to not take my boundary and compare it to others’ boundaries or lack thereof. One of my favorite things to do to help with this need is to join FB mom groups where other women don’t judge each other and people can go and vent about parenting without other moms criticizing. Those are my people. Those of us who are just taking it day by day and are trying to be moderate parents. We are not the overachievers. We are trying to stay sane in a swamp of Pinterest and travel sports and special services. Cheers to the moms who care enough to say ENOUGH!