Free

About 4 or 5 years ago I switched from wearing contacts all the time to wearing glasses. I found these beautiful frames and I loved how they looked. I wanted to embrace my nerdy nature and I rocked them. But the thing is, if I’m being honest, I wanted them for a larger and less inspiring reason. I wanted a mask. I wanted to hide behind them. Not just my physical appearance. I wanted to hide my internal existence as well. I wanted to not only cover the actual fatigue in my face, but also the emotional exhaustion I was feeling. I didn’t want people to see the pain in my soul. I didn’t want people (including myself) to think there was anything else lurking behind the smile on my face. If the eyes were the window to my soul I needed to put up some curtains and/or paint right over them.

More recently, I have been taking more pictures and looking at them critically in a different way. I can’t seem to get a good angle. I can’t seem to rid myself of the feeling that I can’t see me. I can’t see my eyes. And it is bothering me immensely. Because while you cannot see some of the circles under my eyes, those circles represent something. Those circles represent hard work. They represent tears cried in pain and joy. They represent loving hard and hurting immeasurably because of it.

While those things are just a facet of me, they are a part of me that I no longer want to hide. I want to wear the real me so that I can feel like the real me. So off I go to find some good quality, freeing contact lenses.

Now, could somebody point me in the direction of a really good concealer?