Gift

Over the past 8 years I have watched my child struggle. I have seen him fight. He has had to work so much harder than other kids to achieve the same milestones. He has had surgeries. He has had MRIs. He has had countless hours of therapies. And through all of that, he has trudged through with the brightest and most beautiful smile. It has always been inspiring to me to watch his strength and spirit develop.

That smile, that shine has dulled over the past several months. It breaks my heart to see frustration, anxiety, and annoyance take its place. As a therapist I am always feeling like I have to problem solve. So we are seeking out various forms of help to try to get back there. I get overwhelmed when we add new things. I start to let anxiety and doubt run rampant. How can I fix this? How can I afford programs not covered by insurance? I can’t work that time commitment into my schedule. It’ll never work. It’s not feasible.

All of that is bullshit. Tonight we went to an introductory session for a music therapy program for people with autism. Tonight I watched my child experience real joy. For the first time in what feels like years I watched him be free of his limitations as he played the different instruments and showed the therapist what his interests were. I will make this happen. I can make this happen. That look on his face is worth it. That glowing expression is the greatest Christmas gift I have ever gotten and I will do anything to see it continue.